Readers. IÃ‚â€™m feeling-knackered and pugnacious. All the frivolities and travelling has whacked me out! I feel as if I could sleep for a month!
Hopefully next week I will be reborn. ItÃ‚â€™s not as if itÃ‚â€™s a surprise IÃ‚â€™m tired. My birthday was 48 hours long!
Let me explain. It began at the end of my Anguillan vacation when we took off to fly back to New York. Then we arrived at MariahÃ‚â€™s NYC apartment at 3am on the morning of my birthday.
I told you last week about us flashing MCÃ‚â€™s doormen in our fake fur coats and bikinis Ã‚â€“ but what I didnÃ‚â€™t know was what was awaiting me upstairs in MCÃ‚â€™s crib.
As we entered, I threw myself onto my bed with exhaustion-in her guest room (the butterfly room) and was just about to don my PJÃ‚â€™s when MC announced she needed to borrow my camera for a Ã‚â€œbusiness meetingÃ‚ in her kitchen.
What?!? I know I look young readers but I wasnÃ‚â€™t born yesterday! Like good ole Jackson P Mutley (MCÃ‚â€™s doggy) I can sniff a tall story when I hear one. I knew those Careys were up to something but like a good little English girl I played along.
As expected, two minutes later someone beckoned me Ã‚â€˜into the kitchen immediately!Ã‚â€™ I felt like I should stall but no - it was now 4am and I knew they must really LOVE me to be this exhausted and without sleep for 2 days and still be making my moment festive. As I walked Ã‚â€œinnocentlyÃ‚ into the kitchen, MC and a few of our nearest and dearest showered me with champagne.
I exclaimed Ã‚â€œstop wasting the grape - itÃ‚â€™s expensive!Ã‚ MC et al sung for me and danced around me as I blew out my silver-studded twinkle candles and cut into my Oreo cake. I was given a beautiful and thoughtful gift then we chatted about our blessed year and laughed about the Ã‚â€œJack incidentÃ‚. Let me explain.
Our last moment in Anguilla was hilarious. MC had a photo session scheduled with a famous British photographer on our private beach.-Alas, a multitude of-other paparazzi had somehow heard and were camped out and wouldnÃ‚â€™t budge.
Apparently, when they spotted me running along the beach earlier in the day with Jack they knew MC was nearby as they recognised the dog! How crazy is that?! We concocted a cunning plan!
MC, her security and the photographer would escape-into a jeep and sneak off to a nearby beach whilst I (the DECOY)-would wander casually down to our beach with Jack and- some of the staff fully laden down with Ã‚â€œDiva AccessoriesÃ‚ like a bottle of Cristal and glasses, a pillow and silk sheet, iPod, sun lotions, silver trays full of seafood, Jimmy Choo shoes, etc, pretending MC-was about to appear.
As I gestured wildly at the Ã‚â€œposition of the sunÃ‚ and announced at the top of my voice Ã‚â€œher favourite positionÃ‚, I saw the paps looking excited and readying their lenses.
All the while I am practically wetting myself as I continue my Oscar-winning, Meryl Streep performance and-slyly peek MC being smuggled out the back door! MCÃ‚â€™s photo shoot just up the road took 10 minutes and she was back in 20 hollering at me that Ã‚â€œit was safeÃ‚ to come back.
The stupid photographers watched the sun set and continued to wait eagerly till 9pm when it was pitch black, then-they wandered over to Ã‚â€œMCÃ‚â€™s sun loungerÃ‚ to find a lovely little note IÃ‚â€™d left them with the champers which said Ã‚â€œenjoy the drink suckers!!!Ã‚ Oh, how we laughed.